#problem project vents
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Sometimes, I still feel so able bodied.
Like the aches and pains are quiet for just a moment long enough for me to remember what freedom I used to have. It's almost like if I yearn for it hard enough, I can have the old me back. The me that could still achieve all my dreams. The me that had no idea what was coming and how much it would all cost me.
Somedays, I still feel the urge to live the way I could before. Carefree and boundless. God, I can almost taste it.
#problem project#problem project vents#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#disability#disabled community#disabled#actually disabled#potsawareness#potsie#pots syndrome#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#iih#idiopathic intracranial hypertension#fibromyalgia#occipital neuralgia
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a blackhole of happiness, greedy for the light it cannot give back
#dandy's doodles#ii#inanimate insanity#ii clover#kin#vent#<- okay to reblog!! i like how this turned out#also i will not be elaborating :thumbsup: everything's okay so you don't need to worry#it's very fun projecting onto clover. even if she doesn't have a problem i do i can easily analogize it with one she does have#isn't it fun how clover's leaves are heart-shaped? and how the word 'love' is in her name?#also i can't help associating clover with fire. just because of the box incident#and after all fire (and what it represents) is a great example of something that can be so helpful and so harmful at the same time#heat and light... it sustains life but can also destroy it#like the sun! or god! a flaming pillar that guides you and destroys your enemies in the wilderness#i have a whole catalog of clover symbology if you couldn't tell. very fond of her conceptually
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*to the tune of fireflies* you would not believe your eyes... if ten million fireflights.... uh... got adopted???? maybe????
#redfire#redfire nation attacks once more#under technicality this IS vent art#i project onto fireflight heavily#and yes it is a problem#i already tried therapy#i was diagnosed with gay#<-/srs#transformers#maccadams#tf jetfire#tf skyfire#tf red alert#tf fireflight#tf generation one#tf g1#fanart#personal post#<- just in case#mal's art
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A crazy thing about Mouthwashing is that Pony Express lost communication with one of its freighters for months and didn’t send anyone to check.
A genuinely reputable company, or at the very least a decent one, would have sent someone, something out to check after about two weeks of silence. Two months is when the crew start questioning if they are even being looked for which implies they were already expecting it to take a while cause P.E just doesn’t care.
They don’t care about who they hire. They don’t care about the conditions they place their crew in or how safe the safety measures actually are. They just don’t care, made rules and regulations so they can care less and succeed in getting away with it with how little those ideas are discussed.
#back on remembering how little blame we give P.E very the real organizational problems that led to the interpersonal ones#there’s many facets to talk about MW in but it’s that people really down play the working class factor and that everyone on the ship are no#too far off from each other and you have to incorporate that into how things play out like the false prestige of being captain and curly#exudes creates this inflated idea he had unlimited capabilities to do much more when it’s clear he is ruled by the same restrictions just a#a slightly different angle same way Swansea as the mechanic can’t fix a vent not because it’s likely difficult but because he just lacks th#rescources and constant clearances needed so it’s a stagnant task#same way even when Anya gets to do nurse stuff it’s limited by what she is given#it’s all reflective about what they have to work with not being enough not even being barely enough#both on an aspect of actual tangible problems and subjective issues#something something boss makes a dollar the crew makes a dime curly makes a quarter and they all still struggle to stay above water#idk it’s very important and interesting and more tragic to me that they were all in the same bubble but their perceptions of each other and#priorities made them walk each other off and feel levels of resentment that should have been towards P.E like how Curly mainly resents them#but the others clearly take it to a more personal level like he got fired with them#is at the same point of starting over with nothing cause all his experience is worthless in a dying job field and all he got was papers tha#say he’s great at a role no one wants except for the one guy that forced him to exit#all of it for nothing all those years for nothing and he didn’t get to choose#I think it’s interesting that people assume curly got what he wanted when he wanted a choice in his future to continue as is or change just#because they feed so heavily into the birthday argument where a projecting Jimmy says Curly got what he wanted when curly corrects him ther#saying what he wanted was a life he didn’t have to escape from being forced out of something isn’t escape if you have no where to go or#everyone got to kinda make a choice whether we consider Jimmy crashing the ship or Anya telling Jimmy and later killing herself#curly being trapped feels so minimal cause it’s hard to recognize how he’s caged in by being the in between of the head and the crew he can#move freely through either as he has the power of boss to them and subordinate to the other he has to do what the company says to an extent#and hopefully mitigate anything the crew might do and the ‘perks’ of being captain are just different leashes he’s on with the crew and P.E#it’s like so hard to understand when you aren’t used to working in these type environments or have been in similar organizational power#structures but the crew being on the same sort of economic scale and class is so important to why and how they act the way they do#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#pony express#curly mouthwashing#captain curly
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either i'm just a really bad person and my parents see me for what i am and tell it to me OR i'm actually NOT a bad person and it's actually my parents that are the problem...
#tw vent#tw anger issues#tw angry#tw angst#parent vent#dad vent#father vent#vent account#vent blog#vent post#vent#tw parental issues#tw daddy issues#tw mommy issues#i hate this#i hate my mom#i hate everybody#i hate my dad#i hate my brain#i hate my parents#i hate it here#i hate everything#i hate my mind#i hate my existence#maybe i'm the problem#maybe i'm projecting#maybe both
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The Unsent Project should have a box asking “do you have bpd?” and if you check yes you are banned from the site forever,,, I think this would help our community drastically
#literally crying over a relationship I should of been over by now#like??? fuck that person!!! but also#why don’t you still love me <//3#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd safe#bpd vent#the unsent project#bpd problems#bpd stuff
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people get angry at solas' potential redemption because anders never received that kind of treatment but i think we really. shouldn't blame his writer for actually liking their character and giving him some depth and opportunities to take his arc in different directions depending on what players think of him. there are other people responsible for all the questionable choices in anders' writing and i think it's actually a good thing their approach to morally grey characters isn't a standard for the series anymore
#im saying this as self-proclaimed anders lawyer. and hepler's biggest enemy#if she used a character she was supposed to write as one of the party members and potential romantic interest to portray him as her toxic e#and make it everyone else's problem while also being ableist#it's not solas' writer's problem that they. do not do that. and actually put effort into portraying a central and also divisive character#as complex and sympathetic (for some) figure#idk i think it's just counterproductive. the thing about anders vs. solas treatment is that they were written by different people#and it showcases how much depends on writer's opinions and investment into the character they develop as well as their professionalism#because i think. projecting your own issues onto a character you're writing for a non-personal project is somewhat not professional#anyway. i will always mourn anders who could've been. and a story that could've been#but i also want to appreciate that there are other writers who do want to write complex characters properly#don't want to put main tags on this because this is somehow a vent post so. let it stay that way.
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I want my art to be weirder (I'm afraid of people expecting "normal" art from me because of what I make most often and them being upset with me if I deviate from it)
#SIGH. sorry i feel like this is like a thought that more serious artists should have and not like. me. lol#but especially on twitter i am afraid for some reason#like i do not want to be so palatable for everyone but like. i am most of the time#its just occasionally i wont be#and yknow. i dont want to accidentally build an audience thats gonna judge me for that#am i making sense#this is such a. NOTHING PROBLEM..#but whatever ive been thinking about it 😭#like i want to feel free to make suggestive art and weird sad art and self projection art and gross art#and the best way to feel free is to make that so people know to expect it#but i really just. most often draw very normal very bland things#which im not even upset about its jusf. i dont want that to be expected of me??#literally no one has said they expect certain stuff from me#no one has gotten upset at me#i am just. an overthinker and SCARED all the time#oh well#thats all#vent
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I swear seeing takes that are like, "Maruki only helped Sumi because she looked like Rumi/Rumi 2.0" or, "He kept invalidating her progress because he's a horrible abuser" just leave me with an aneurysm or something... Like have you all looked up the term, "Psychological Projection" and what it entails? Because I feel some of you all need to and come back later 'cause... Fucking hell...
Also I kinda wanna HC him having BPD now:
Articles: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/projection-in-psychology#mental-health
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9670
#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#p5r spoilers#starchild rambles#tw rant#vent post#tw vent#tw sui ideation#(mentioned)#like good lord!#he's hardly showcased any signs of viewing her as his ex-fiance! he saw HIMSELF in her!#it helps explain his desperation to help her and then trying to say she could potentially relapse despite her strong progress#he was projecting HARD so if he's already viewing himself as not getting better then chances are she'll end up the same#it also explains why he finally started reconsidering when she tells him how she really felt#and why she's done running away from her problems like what he's doing#that illusion finally broke she's not him and it's not fair of him to act like how he did towards her#he genuinely cares but at the same time said care got warped immensely
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Readers: So do you sneak pieces of your personal experiences into your writing?
Authors: Whaaaaat? Pfft, nah definitely not me…. *Proceeds to incorporate their life stories into their work*
#ao3 writer#ao3 author#ao3 fanfic#ao3#author memes#author problems#fanfiction author#fanfic authors#author#memories#writing is therapy#therapy writing#why open up when I can just torture my characters with what I went through?#hehe#vent writing#vent story#author projects onto characters#is it just me#please tell me it’s not just me#this is totally normal right
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Why couldn't I have been blessed with a functioning body?
#problem project vents#chronic illness#chronic pain#disabled community#disability#disabled#actually disabled#chronic fatigue
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I hate being impoverished and being a picky eater at the same time. Bc what do you mean there’s nothing to eat?? There are perfectly good pickles, two week old strawberries, and a questionable beef and rice mix- All of which I could eat, but the thought of doing so for any of the above!!! Makes me more sick than the hunger!!!
#If I could get high i would get the munchies but im so sick I cant even smoke rn#so I literally am just sitting here. nauseous from hunger. not seeing anything to eat#I had this same problem yesterday and ended up making buttered noodles… BUT JOKES ONE ME THERES NO MORE FUCKING BUTTER LEFT#Theres. like. plain ass noodles that Id could boil and eat#but to be honest? im craving real food. im craving protien and veggies and fruits that aren’t starting to look like a science project#I mean. at least. i have dinner amirite?#which is also something I dont like but ffs I have to eat SOMETHING#Im not even trying to do this shit purposefully. I just want to eat#Why cant I just be a normal fucking eater!!! like cmon brain at least let me eat the pickles!!!!!#the bugz speak#vent posting
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When your prescription didn't refill in time and it's been a couple days so you just sit there feeling the paranoid thoughts scratching at the door to let them in

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Why do AI bros always have to be that one annoying motherfucker who thinks they're the smartest person in the room but is actually a complete and utter idiot? Can't it be someone even remotely capable of understanding that they can be wrong every once in a while? Like, just once or twice?
#fuck ai#like weve all met that guy at least once right#i swear to god#just once in my life#i want to be able to educate someone about a problem that they can fight against#even if its in a really small way#and for them to actually listen to me and at least put a little tiny bit of effort into being better#instead of just getting all sarcastic and turning it on me like#'AcTuAlLy YoU'rE tHe OnE wItH tHe PrObLem'#'yOu'Re JuSt PrOjEcTiNg On EvErYoNe'#'StOp BeInG a BaBy'#good lord#im gonna be on the news if i have to hear that bullshit one more time#tw vent
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drew a shit ton today. I finished the line art and color on my among us sona piece. ^^ :))))) now for the best part: rendering (even tho I’m shit at it)
I’ll try to get it done and post the speed paint by tomorrow. Gotta ride that art motivation high before it inevitably crashes and I revert back to writer brain
(aka daydreaming about my characters to music too much, tearing my hair out obsessively editing my wip fic, and being unable to draw a sphere.)
#artists on tumblr#art#original character#art project#art problems#writer and artist#young artist#art and writing#progress update#art process#personal#vent post#update#ramblings#rambles#talking out loud
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was starting to feel better now that i'm on a bunch of meds to treat this asthma flare-up and was going to try some very light exercise and immediately had another asthma attack :(
#also just mad because ive always struggled with consistently exercising because of The Conditions and ive finally found a daily routine that#i can do and that seems to be helping my joint problems and ive been consistent for almost 4 months now!#and now i dont even have the tolerance for basic stretches or like. walking quickly#and i know that sitting all day isnt good for my physical or mental health!! i know that!!!#but i literally dont have the tolerance for anything else right now#anyways its been over a week and im just so tired of my daily goals being “cook a meal for myself” and “take a shower”#even though logically i know thats what i need! and i would tell anyone else having my symptoms to do the same thing!#love having internalized ableism#i dont even have the energy to do anything creative either. im just so exhausted#BUT on the bright side the steroids im on are helping my joint pain lmao so i can finally finish my sewing project#i also havent had a migraine for a week and a half which is nice#personal#vent
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